Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
