I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
