If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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