Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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