Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
