I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Say something about gay babies.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
