i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize