I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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