I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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