my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I want a musical about memes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
