Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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