I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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