I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
