I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
