the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
