Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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