that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize