He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
