I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
