My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
