im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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