i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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