He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
