he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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