I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
