I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
