She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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