My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
