im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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