Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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