she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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