Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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