Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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