did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
