I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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