it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
