That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
