You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
