thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Who died my cat blue again?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
