I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
