You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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