47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
