I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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