Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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