I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
