ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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