I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
