you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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