at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
