I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
