at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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