I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
