At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
