Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
