I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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