He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
