do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
