I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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