sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
