No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
