im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
