READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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