Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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