College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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