I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
