I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
