I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize