wat bout pragnant strippers??
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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