Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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