1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i may or may not be watching the land before time
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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