i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
