I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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