She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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